


REVENGE OF THE TELETUBBIES

by plantsofthehouse



Category: Nicolas Cage - Fandom, Teletubbies (TV)
Genre: I Came Up With This, Other, have fun, so for school i had to write an alternative ending to "happy endings" my margaret atwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-20 12:36:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8249351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plantsofthehouse/pseuds/plantsofthehouse
Summary: An alternate ending to Maragret Atwood's "Happy Endings".





	

Please don’t read this if you are sensitive to graphic content. (It really isn't all that graphic but this is 2016 so literally everyone is sensitive.)

John and Mary are significant others. Mary wore pajama pants and a T-shirt and was nearly a foot taller than John. John wore a blazer and tie. They sat in the living room of their apartment. John was getting ready for work. Mary turned on the television on and teletubbies was on the screen. They giggled at the absurdity of the show. They both agreed that it was stupid and changed the channel.

Instead of the TV changing, their surroundings changed. They were both distressed and confused as to where they were. A yellow sun with a baby’s face on it dangled in the sky and cooed at them. They walked around together, figuring out their exact location as they both suddenly appeared there with the blink of an eye. After some exploring, they found a little hill that looked vaguely like a hobbit hole. They went up to the door and it opened by itself but something stood on the other side.

Its eyes widened and it laughed manically, staring into their souls. Even Mary, who was well over six feet tall was shorter than it. John and Mary knew where they were now and they were not pleased. Dipsy, the green teletubby, with a pointy (!) thing on his head, sent a signal out to call the other teletubbies to his location. They all swarmed around John and Mary. John and Mary stood back to back, well, butt to back, and shivered with fear as the teletubbies all giggled with a sense of blood-curdling horrendousness. They pulled potentially hazardous items out of the screens on their stomachs. Laa-laa held several zip ties and tied their hands together. Tinky-Winky duck taped their mouths shut. Po held a branding iron, which was glowing from heat and branded them, printing a seal into their skin. They made loud, incoherent noises before all four teletubbies picked them up and carried them to a secret chamber with metal walls. The teletubbies noticed that John and Mary were not scared enough for their bodies to have obvious signs of fear. So, they pulled out knives and held them up to their throats. John peed his pants and Mary held a poker face. The teletubbies inflicted severe amounts of pain onto them as if they were trying to obtain information. But they were not, they were just choosing more victims. Laa laa tied her to a pole.  
“Dance!”  
“You are woman! You easy!”  
She thrusted her butt in the air and twerked. John wept. The teletubbies beamed from the highest skies that “men don’t cry”. After hours of torture, they decided that it was enough. They took the tape off their mouths. Mary used her loudest voice to call for help, and surprisingly, Nicolas Cage, hopper of dimensions, heard them and came to their rescue. He rode to their location and found the secret lair. Just before the teletubbies attempted to turn John and Mary into teletubbies too, Nick burst into the door and flipped out a freeze ray, freezing the teletubbies to death. He roundhouse kicked all of their frozen bodies in one big swish. Just to make sure they were dead. Next, he untied John and Mary and they thanked him.

But The Noo NooO was still alive. He spun in circles, filling with the most rage a scary vacuum can feel. Noo Noo began to beep.  
Beep beep beeep  
beepbeepbeepbeepbeepBEEP  
John, Mary, and Nick all ran. They ran to Nick’s magical motorcycle and they all held hands before travelling to another dimension before the vacuum had a spontaneous combustion.  
But this time, they ended up in Barney’s world. They crashed into a tree and John hit his unhelmeted head against the tree and died upon impact while Mary and Nick survived. Nick quickly transported Mary back to Earth and no one mentioned John’s disappearance.  
30 years later, the teletubbies were reincarnated and transported to Earth and killed Mary in her sleep.  
“No body bullies the tubbies.” they all said in unison before Tinky-Winky ripped Mary’s small intestine out.

END


End file.
